As you reflect on your own lives and next steps, and because you don\u2019t all know me yet, I thought I\u2019d share a few thoughts and confessions that you may find helpful \u2014 or at the very least sufficiently amusing. I hope you\u2019ll get a sense of my whys as well as who I am, who I\u2019ve been, and who I want to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You may (and probably should) ask for advice and guidance from others, but you should always be the final arbiter of your own destiny.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nTo start, I\u2019ll confess that I\u2019ve always wanted a tattoo. Of course, my pain threshold is pretty much non-existent, so it still hasn\u2019t happened yet. But I\u2019m only 42, so there\u2019s still plenty of time, right? Specifically, I\u2019ve always wanted a tattoo of a compass, on the back of my neck, with the needle pointing upward. It\u2019s because I know that I am my own true north \u2014 and you are yours.<\/p>\n\n\n
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\n\t\t\t<\/lite-youtube>\n\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n\nYou may (and probably should) ask for advice and guidance from others, but you should always be the final arbiter of your own destiny. As soon as you relinquish your decision-making power, you take a back seat to what could be an amazing journey of your own design. Even if you run into challenges along the way, don\u2019t let anyone else take the steering wheel. All of the bumps and detours \u2014 they will test you. How you respond to them and what choices you make ultimately contribute to a narrative, a story, a life that’s truly yours.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If I listened to everyone\u2019s \u201cYou must do this\u201d or \u201cYou can\u2019t do that\u201d \u2014 I\u2019m not sure I\u2019d feel quite as empowered as I do at this point in my life.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nI\u2019ll confess that I don\u2019t know how to drive, so I really should avoid all car and road references since I honestly have no idea what I\u2019m talking about. I used to have the line: \u201cI\u2019m so excited to learn how to drive in Maine\u201d in my bio. Six months ago, I specifically asked my colleague Sheila to remove that line. At some point during the pandemic, I decided that I simply don\u2019t care enough. I\u2019m a free and independent spirit \u2014 a Sagittarius born in the year of the horse \u2014 so not knowing how to drive has definitely limited how far I\u2019ve been able to go. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, I\u2019ve been able to see more of the world without a license than most would ever think possible. More importantly, I have other things that I\u2019d rather do with my time. As this crazy and intense year has shown us, you never know what life will bring, so you need to figure out what your priorities are, separate from what everyone else has to say. If I listened to everyone\u2019s \u201cYou must do this\u201d or \u201cYou can\u2019t do that\u201d \u2014 I\u2019m not sure I\u2019d feel quite as empowered as I do at this point in my life. For now, my priorities are: finding community, building relationships, and making friends. And y\u2019know what? They all have cars!<\/p>\n\n\n\nHoi Ning Ngai, photographed at her Purposeful Work office on Wood Street in February 2021. (Phyllis Graber Jensen\/Bates College)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\nI\u2019ll confess that I\u2019ve always been afraid of public speaking. I literally cried when I had to memorize two lines for my fifth-grade play \u2014 a play that neither I nor my classmates nor our parents remember the title of three decades later. In school, I hated getting randomly called on in class. At work, I hated making presentations, especially to strangers. I either talked way too fast, jumbled my words, or sounded like a robot. Or some combination of all three. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Unlike driving, though, public speaking is something I\u2019ve always wanted to get better at. I mean, it literally shows up in every aspect of my personal and professional life. And if I\u2019m being completely honest, I know that 1) I have a dramatic streak and 2) I\u2019m a bit of a ham.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When something matters enough, you\u2019ll do what you need to. And even if it\u2019s not always the best show, try to make it your best effort.So I took a deep breath and then a deep dive straight into the fear. While I was in grad school, I became a fitness instructor, because what could be more terrifying than having 30 people staring at you, in a wall of mirrors, for 60 minutes? On one occasion, I completely crashed and burned on a routine. No one knew what was going on \u2014 including me. It was an epic fail, but no one got injured (thankfully) and the entire class was really supportive. And despite the embarrassment, even I couldn\u2019t help laughing about it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I worked at Penn, I signed up for Acting 101. We could take one class for free every semester and this was the motivation I needed. I still remember the shock \u2014 and thrill \u2014 of being able to memorize 10 whole minutes of dialogue with my scene partner Adriana, a junior who was incredibly patient whenever she sensed my anxiety level rising. I can\u2019t say public speaking has gotten that much easier over time, but I\u2019ll own all of the progress I\u2019ve made since that fifth-grade play. When something matters enough, you\u2019ll do what you need to. And even if it\u2019s not always the best show, try to make it your best effort.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ll confess that I hate grass. Especially live<\/em> grass. With bugs. I grew up in the urban jungle of New York City, where I spent more time on concrete pavement than dirt roads. My family was poor, so I never had the chance to go to sleepaway camp or get exposed to nature in a way that was deeply impactful. So it meant a lot to be able to go away to Dartmouth for college. I couldn\u2019t wait to escape the noise and pollution of the big city for the fresh air and mountains of New Hampshire. I also love snow, so I was always so excited for the first snowfall of the year. Of course, when the snow melts and spring arrives, the grass comes out. <\/p>\n\n\n\nYou may have people who dismiss you for your quirks and idiosyncrasies, but the ones who love you are the ones who\u2019ll allow you to be who you are and make space for your strange and special qualities.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nSo when I say I hate grass, I really mean it. I hate walking in it. I hate sitting in it. I don\u2019t even like the smell of it. One spring, my best friend, Derek, really wanted me to watch him play ultimate frisbee on the green. Of course, I immediately said no. And he knew exactly why. It\u2019s not like he\u2019d never teased me about it, but he certainly never made me feel bad about it either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So what did he do? He found the biggest blanket he could find. In my fuzzy memory, it seemed as big as a 10-foot square. He laid it out on the grass and had me sit right in the middle of it. Just me in a sea of blanket. You may have people who dismiss you for your quirks and idiosyncrasies, but the ones who love you are the ones who\u2019ll allow you to be who you are and make space for your strange and special qualities. No strings attached.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ll confess that I love shooting. Ever since I met my first-year hallmate Doug, who shot and hunted regularly with his family in Montana, I\u2019d really wanted to try it. Of course, it\u2019s not something everyone wants to do and back then I wasn\u2019t sure about doing it on my own \u2014 I mean, it\u2019s not really a city girl hobby. So when I visited my friend Victor from grad school at home in Texas, he made sure the local shooting range was on my itinerary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like Doug, he\u2019d also grown up shooting, so he was comfortable showing me the ropes. Despite being petite and lightweight myself, to everyone\u2019s surprise, I preferred shooting the .45 \u2014 a higher-caliber gun \u2014 where I could feel the weight and recoil more intensely. I also hit the bullseye multiple times from 100 yards away. <\/p>\n\n\n\nBates Center for Purposeful Work colleagues Beverly Vari (left) and Hoi Ning Ngai (right) hold their weekly check-in meeting on the Historic Quad in September 2020. (Phyllis Graber Jensen\/Bates College) <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\nFor a long time, I used to ascribe that to beginner\u2019s luck, but after shooting more regularly, I realized that I\u2019m pretty good. It\u2019s because I\u2019m careful, and focused, and committed. Over the last six years, I\u2019ve taken group classes, gotten private lessons, and worked on my accuracy and precision. During the pandemic, I even got the chance to shoot a rifle, which had been on my to-do list for some time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For me, being able to shoot isn\u2019t about causing harm or inflicting pain. It is however about flipping the script on who I can be and what I can do.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nLet\u2019s be clear. As a 5-foot-2-inch Asian woman, I navigate a multitude \u2014 a multitude \u2014 of gender and racial stereotypes every single day \u2014 ones that constantly frame me as quiet, passive, and weak. And whether the world admits it or not, these stereotypes exist, and they persist, and they continue to impact how others experience me and how I experience them. And because I don\u2019t subscribe to all of the assumptions, presumptions, and norms applied to me, I simply want everyone to know that I\u2019m a boss. For me, being able to shoot isn\u2019t about causing harm or inflicting pain. It is however about flipping the script on who I can be and what I can do. Whenever I have the chance, I make it a point to challenge the expectations of the world. I strive to be and do more because I know that I can.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ll confess that I\u2019m terrible at poker \u2014 and anything that requires deception. I wear all of my emotions on my face \u2014 from delight to disdain, from glee to gloom. I can\u2019t bluff, I can\u2019t lie, and if you deserve it, I definitely won\u2019t hesitate to give you side-eye. Whether I\u2019m extremely excited or deeply disappointed, I don\u2019t want to hide it. At the end of the day, authenticity is<\/em> my deepest of values, and all I ever want is to be wholly me. I want to say what I\u2019m thinking and what I\u2019m feeling. I don\u2019t ever want people to wonder what\u2019s on my mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\nYou have to accept your voice for what it is and what it can do. Embrace it, own it, and use it \u2014 hopefully to make the world a better place.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nOf course, that hasn\u2019t always won me favors, or friends, or followers. Not everyone wants to hear the whole truth and nothing but the truth, especially when it\u2019s criticism. You can always work on your diction and framing, your timing and tone. At some point though, you have to be comfortable with your voice and saying what you need to say. You may not always get the response you want and you have to figure out how to navigate that possibility, but you have to accept your voice for what it is and what it can do. Embrace it, own it, and use it \u2014 hopefully to make the world a better place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hope these confessions have helped you get to know me a little bit better and what I care about. I share them with you earnestly because I want you to be comfortable embracing all of the ways that you\u2019ve grown, all of the ways that you\u2019re still growing, all of your strange and special qualities, and all of the people who love you for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I like to say, there\u2019s nothing between the lines \u2014 what you see is what you get. But if a summary would be helpful, here\u2019s what I hope you heard:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Believe in yourself and write your own story. There\u2019s only one author.<\/li> Set your own priorities. Do what you want. Achieve what you want.<\/li> Embrace your fears and become a better version of yourself in the process.<\/li> Find people who love you just the way you are. Keep them around.<\/li> Be fierce and exceed the expectations the world has for you.<\/li> You have one life, one truth, and one voice. Do good with them.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\nI\u2019m so excited for what the future will bring you as you find your meaning, your purpose, and your pathway. I hope that you\u2019ll keep us updated as you imprint yourselves on the minds and hearts of those who have the honor of meeting and knowing you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Cheers to your success in the world!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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