The same wooded enclosure. The smoking wreckage of the helicopter sits amongst piles of mangled BOC bodies. Once such beautiful people, reduced to nothing more than simple cadavers. Burning debris and detritus are spread throughout the area, and the sweet smell of toasted human flesh wafts through the air. Suddenly a hand appears from underneath a twisted piece of metal. Miles (kilometers), crawls out. His bones broken, left eyeball hanging from the optic nerve. Kilometers is a dead man walking. He grunts, cries out. An idea appears in his mind, he remembers his EMT training. He remembers the ‘Forbidden Section.’ The section that is not spoken of. He remembers that he is actually trained in necromancy.
Kilometers chants under his breath, his mangled tongue working its best magic. ‘11, 11, 11, 11, 11,’ are the only intelligible sounds. ‘11, 11, 11.’ The bodies around him begin to show signs of life. Ethan’s finger twitches. Nathan D Plock lets out a groan. Paul begins to make the motions of a pole dancer. ‘11, 11, 11.’ Noel starts mumbling about rocks. Tess motions ‘hang loose’ to her neighbor. ‘11, 11!’ All the undead BOC’ers take up the chant. As it rises in volume so does Kilometers. He floats 10, 20, 30, 111 feet into the air. He cackles, and calls the meeting to order.
The meeting is called to order at 6:33
BRUNO– Follow BOCviewsfrommymeatstick on Insta, word up
PAT– I’m gonna take a picture for the Bates snapchat. Okay Pat.
PAUL– Katahdin signup is happening tomorrow at, like, 10AM.
— Much ruckus about 10AM ensues “WTF” “NO!” “I have class!”
— We’ll figure it out, email after the meeting
— Thanks a lot, Paul
SIMON, ETHAN– I want to do the Legend (Leyenda for our Spanish speakers here) this year. Write a blurb about a cool trip and we will make a compilation. Swwwwwweet.
CELINE (pronounced SUH-LINN)– Right after the meeting there’s a sweet outdoor type movie showing by KEEN in OLIN>> Log for OUTDORRRR NATION>> profit
NATHAN D PLOCK– Tomorrow at 4PM, paddle on puddle. We got fucking pitted last year, do it, send it.
— I’m the president
— We have a new trip leading signup form. There will be an email. Fill out the
form for leading a calendar marked trip in October. Get the money.
DAN– Ladies climbing night tomorrow 8PM!!! WOOOO. Dan isn’t going because he’s not a female.
NOEL– That little inaudible convo I just had with NATHAN was about the lean-to trip. This will happen for the 4th meeting. Go to lean-to. Revel in the mosquitos. Tell a dope story. Become a council member. Vote on stuff. Learn about democracy. Run for local office. Learn about corruption. Pay people off. Say shit on TV. Become POTUS.
STEEN– Going to Higgins tomorrow morning to shred/get pitted/get barrelled/not be a kook. I have cider donuts. They are orgazzzzmik. Leaving at 7AM. Word.
BRUNOOOO– ADUR is leading a Sunday canoe on the andrew SKOG in. Back by 4:30.
AUJ– Leading a rad weekend beginner backpacking trip in Evans Notch. Total mileage approx nine. Word. Friday and Saturday.
ELI– Email me at email@example.com
for a subscription to cat facts. Also maybe a Nova Scotian surf adventure soon. Eyes alive.
MARSHREDDY– Sugarloaf MTB fest this weekend. $60. Free bike demo. It’s gonna be so cool.
ANDREWMOREAU– Surfing Friday at Higgins. Approx 1PM leaving time. Too many ladies for ANDY to handle. Get pitted.
— ELIIIIII: There’s a sick surf shop with a sickkkk $15 rental wetsuit deal that is
NATHAN– Also surfing on Friday. 2:30.
KOBY– Casual climbing on Saturday. Leaving time negotiable. Word.
NATHAN– Bus going to SALT pump climbing gym Friday. 7-10PM. Take some nasty lead falls for the rep. EVERYTHING is free. Free everything. More first years please! Bus leaves from behind chase hall. “You should go” -(bruno) “Salt pump is tight” -(soccer)
QUESTION (Is mayonnaise an instrument?): Can you get reimbursed for the wetsuit rental? Yeah. Are you sure? Dude, he’s the president. You don’t get reimbursed for other gear. Yeah, but. No one’s gonna pay for your ski rentals, bro. I don’t think we should pay for Salt Pump. Let’s vote. It passed. Wetsuits are being paid for.
Undead Kurt attempts to begin a BDD chant. Unfortunately he is headless and the breath escapes out nothing more than a hole in his neck. His hands are also completely severed and he can’t figure out how to operate snapchat with his gory stumps.
ME– no one sent me any emails.
NOEL– To clarify about gear: any councilmember can propose gear. To do so, send an email detailing the purchase, why we need it, costs, etc, to the secretary. All proposals are compiled and sent out before the meeting. Councilmembers will then be ready to vote and then voting is done. You must be a councilmember to propose gear!
CHRIS– This story comes from deep in the vaults of the shred club annals. Longboarding at Cheney Hill. C Spence comes out. “Are you okay with us boarding down your driveway into oncoming traffic?” “Bro I shred it daily I’m not gonna stop you, DROPPING.”
NOEL– I spent the last eighty three years in Svalbard. Skiing up shit then skiing down. Decision to take a nude is made. 15-20 degrees. Nice day, right? Clothes off, shred boards stil on. Total goon/kook thinks there’s a P Bear. Locked and Loaded. Skins off skis. Ready for battle. Guys it’s rock. Nude interrupted for nothing ugh. GODDAMMIT KEVIN. (still got the picture)
Pardo-I went to Alaska, Bear Mountain, over 1 griz per mile, couple too tree coooks take a trip. Weather turns, they go bed down, Hank (Henry Colt) forgets the two person bed. One person bed is big enough, Hank was middle spoon (score), Pardo was the papa bear, Paul baby bear, Hank gets stressed oot and sends it into the emergency bivy, its raining sideways, woke up in the morning and crushed the hike, saw some sweet nature scene, thats all he has to say.
The bodies of the BOC quickly begin to decay as the meeting is called to an end. Kilometers’ magical power fades. He plummets to the ground and detonates with the force of a hydrogen bomb. The greater LA area is reduced to nuclear wasteland. The US Government interprets this as a Russian attack and sends missiles to Moscow. Mutually Assured Destruction runs its course. The world is plummeted into a new Dark Age. To be continued.