Hey yinz, sorry this is late. I dun been swamped.
here duh mins.
Continued from 9/28: The gorillas eagerly awaited the words of Maddy, the chosen one, who received the commandments from Harambe. She lifted her phone high, a beam of divine photons illuminating her apeish features. “The Supreme One has sent to me a ten second snapchat video.” “Reply with poop!” Said Paul. He then threw faeces at Maddy, who remained unphased. “I will now begin the video and attempt to screenshot in nomina haramba.” She pressed the impeccable purple square and the face of the Lord came into being, framed by the baby goat snap filter. His voice, despite the voice changer, remained exquisitely baritone. The gorillas were in awe. So struck was Maddy that she forgot to screenshot! “Replay replay!!” Cried the crowd. She managed to replay the video, but fumbled and pressed the screen again, immediately ending the celestial broadcast. All that was left in their minds were the words “sex week,” and so they created such a holiday of the same name.
Nate: we have a beautiful presentation
Koby “KY Jelly” Yudkin: This is gonna be sensuous
Adair “My Eyes are up here” Andre: Plug your eyes and close your ears if you are faint of soul
Paul B. Pratt: Sex is so fun and sex outdoors is so SPICY (also tasty)
Sex started in the outdoors in the 1890’s
Sunlight is good for the growth of any type of bush
There is a cornucopia of methods one can employ
Adair: Be prepared
KY: Shared some testimonials. Wow kurt, wow.
The presentation was paused for small group “discussions.”
KY then taught the BOC how to handcuff and bind your consensual partner to the bedposts.
The sexual adventure was then adjourned.
-Adair: If you’re a Sophomore think about being an AESOP coordinator. Email forthcoming.
-CHRIS: There are so many jobs. So many. You can have so many jobs and win. You will win if you go on handshake and sign up for a CDIP job shadow. You will win bigly.
-Ethan: SEND ME LEGEND stories you a holes. You get brown sodas and ritz crackers if you send one.
-Kilometers: Bring stuff back to the eroom for real. Tell your friends.
-Zoccer Sack: I’m not on the list serv. What gives?
– Google groups?
– How? Who? What? Why? What is love?
– Email Noel if you wanna be on da group. npotter@batesdotedu
-Eekee: Come to sex week events they’re so hot.
Thus was the Ten Second Commandment of Harambe lost to oblivion. Paul threw more excrement. Nate attempted to defend helpless Maddy, but Kilometers soon took up the cry. Young Willsey joined in. Soon the guilty and her defender were buried under an immense mound of shit. From this poopy pile was our modern political system born. Amen.
-Noel (Harry) Potter: Montello Elementary could use help with after school programs. Email Noel.
-Nate (I’m the president): Acadia is free to get in for a minute. $15 per site.
– Go to the Dartmouth Outing Club website. It’s sick. I’m transferring to DMouth.
– “Some bs climbing jargon omg I sent the 5.30 sendy crack route at the tumbleshelldick”
-Dan: Going to some bouldering place in NH to yell at rocks on Saturday. HMU
-Eli Nickson: Full sending hiking/running sizable stuff on Saturday. Win win win love.
-Tess: Salt Pump on Friday
-Noel: Me n Sophia “Environment/Nature” Thayer doing trail work at the Bates section of the BOC. It’s so fun and nice.
-Eekee: Voting is happening before next week’s meeting.
-Tess: Nova Scotia was sick but they spent so much fucking money. Not kidding $400 over budget.
– Kurt: I drove so much (like a million hectares) and there were 11 first years and stuff so
it’s worth it.
– PAul B Pratt: I think it’s chill
– Let’s vote. $400 PASSES
-Climbing is life Willsey: We need chalk to keep our hands dry and supple so they are more acceptable to cracks and jugs.
-Sarge/Math You: Me and Miles and others went to the lean to. And it was chill. And chilly.
-Dude: I couldn’t hear most of the story because people wouldn’t shut their traps. It had to do with skiing. Probably sendy. Good turns.
-Miles: Went biking. Miles: What are the trail conditions? Guy: I don’t know shit. Other guy: Yah that looks chill.
– Turns out this shit was a hiking trail. Covered in marbles. Marbles. Marbles.
– Went to other trail and saw schwanky old guy. Then there were jumps and it was lit.
-KY: Anyone wanna go to cathedral? KOBY TRIPS ARE OVER
But the gorillas were unsatisfied with their existence. Abandoned by their Lord and living in a wasteland marked only by a mountain of feces, the gorillas desired more. They began to construct a room. A room where equipment might be stored in order to facilitate adventures to faraway lands. Where they might venture, only time told. Over millenia this haven of travel and shenanigans harboured the most incredible genetic transformation in the known universe. The gorillas, once molded in the form of the Eternal One, evolved into people-sized granola bars. Bedecked in overpriced gear, they wandered the lands in search of sendable locations and actions. To be continued.